So we were eating street food, minding our own business, when suddenly a kid tapped me and was asking for money.
I said no.
No, because you have to work for your share. I earned this shit, I ain't giving it to you just cause you're asking for it. Hell, you don't even look all that bad.
After hearing my response, he starts tapping my pockets.
What. The. Fuck.
He was pissed because he heard the rattle of the coins I had in my pocket.
Bitch, I know I have coins. I said no, not because I had none, I said no cause I ain't giving you jack shit.
So, I told him, I ain’t in the position to give him any co’z he didn’t deserve anything. So I turned my back on him.
The fucking asshole punched me at the back.
At that point, time stopped.
I saw what I wanted to do to that bitch ass nigga.
He was running away. I saw myself running after him, grabbing him by the neck, and smashing his fucktard face onto the fucking pavement.
I had to make a decision at that moment.
Jack that kid up or shove it off.
So, I did what any sane man would do, I shoved it off.
But as we were leaving that place, I kept imagining what would’ve happened if I took revenge. While walking, I kept murdering the kid in my head. Thinking of countless and different scenarios I could’ve hurt him.
I wanted to do it. At that time, it wasn’t that big of a deal. But, as we kept distancing ourselves from the place, the urges grew stronger. That kid ain’t getting away.
I wanted to rip his throat. Break his spine. Break his fingers and arms. Pull the hair off his head. Gouge his eyes. Break his ribs. I wanted to crush his skull.
Fucking asshole gonna learn that his actions have consequences. He can’t just do that and walk away. He deserves to be punished. Damn it, let me take my revenge!
I know it’s not right think of such things. But, come on, I rarely get to express my anger, let me at least just do it this one time.
Still, that’s unacceptable right?
We can’t fight back against someone we know we could easily kill. Hell, we shouldn’t even take revenge at all in the first place.
Vengeance is the Lord’s. I kept repeating that to stop myself from being overwhelmed by my irritation. I kept telling myself that if I jacked that kid up, I’d most likely end up in jail. My life, more or less, ruined.
It's not worth it.
I know it’s not worth it, but when you’re emotionally high, it’s pretty fucking difficult to stop yourself from doing shit.
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I don’t know why I wrote a post about it. I guess I just really needed to get it off my chest.
I wasn’t really pissed when he punched me, but the thought that he could get away with it was what irritated me the most. People can’t do shit and not face the consequences of their actions.
The same way I can’t break his neck and not go to prison.
Should I have given him money? No, he didn’t deserve it. And after what he did? The more that I won’t give him money.
I should stop talking about him, just thinking about the incident irritates me already.
I guess, I still have to work on my patience and controlling my emotions.
It does scare me though. How I could think of such things. It’s definitely not normal to react in such a way. Damn it. I know I’m pretty fucked up, but I’m scared that I might cross the line one day if this keeps up.
I gotta fucking change.