Cat & Mouse

Contemplations

I didn’t write this, but I think it explains perfectly what the song is about. Or at least, how I feel right now.

This song is about falling in love with the person you can never be with. A love with consequence: a cat can never be with a mouse because no matter how they love each other, the cat will end up hurting the mouse. In the song, the man eventually ends up hurting the woman, and feels sorry for it. And he asks is he supposed to be happy when all he ever wanted came with a price. The price is the woman’s life or her own happiness.

– spawn0125 (Mar 31, 2009 at 12:00 am)

All I really want is for you to be happy. I can’t give you that or, at least, I can’t assure you that. I’m fine with getting hurt, but what I can’t stand is you hurting because of me. I don’t want to break your heart. I don’t ever want to cause pain to others. I don’t want to burden people. Especially not you.

In retrospect, I’m starting to question whether or not it was right for me to have told you. I confessed to you because I wanted to look at it in a romanticized way. That for a time being, you’ve held my heart without you knowing it.

But then you told me that you felt the same way as well.
I didn’t know how to respond.

I always thought that you weren’t interested in me. I honestly believed that. For the later parts of our college lives, my love for you started to die down because it wasn’t mutual. I couldn’t force myself upon you.

And so, graduation came and we just lost all communication by then. We didn’t talk, chat, nor called each other for how many months. We grew distant. We grew apart. You left for Cebu, I stayed here. I thought that was that. That was the end of it.

So, I started falling for other people. I continued on, with God knows where I’m going, with my life.

I was excited to go there in Cebu. I wanted to celebrate the festival with all of you. I wanted to see all of you again after missing the Christmas reunion.

But when you told me that you had a boyfriend, my heart sank. It shouldn’t because it’s been a long time since I’ve thought of you, but still it bothered me. I didn’t know how I’d feel. I was caught in a moment of disbelief.

A part of me was happy for you, and a part of me was sad. And I couldn’t justify the sadness. I had no right to be sad. I didn’t feel the same way anymore for you, but why? Why did it bother me?

At first, I thought it was only a joke, but when I got there, you two were acting pretty close and intimate. Which supported your statement. I tried to brush it off, but it nagged at me at the back of my mind.

I don’t know why. I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. That’s why I tried talking to you about it. I tried texting you about it late at night, but you didn’t reply. Probably because you were asleep by then. I tried asking you about it while we were walking but you asked to postpone it’s explanation.

I was hurt. I didn’t have any right to be hurt. I didn’t have any reason to be hurt. I  don’t know why, but I was.

Finally, I was able to ask you one last time and you told me that it was all a joke. That it wasn’t real. I felt relief that time. But, later on I felt disgust upon myself. There I was thinking you had a boyfriend. You were happy, but I wasn’t happy for you. I was bothered by it. Why did I deny you of such simple joys in life?

I wanted you to be happy didn’t I? I knew that you were better off with another guy than me, but why was I bothered?

Finally, I mustered up the courage to tell you that I loved you.

And I’ve come to understand that you did love me as well.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is

“Don’t cry because it’s over, but smile because it happened.”

That at some point in our lives, we held each other. We loved each other. And though it may not have been the most ideal of situations, it occurred nonetheless.

The fact remains that we were in love and it was mutual.

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