I know I used the words “I loved you”
But honestly, I still do.
Despite everything, I’m still willing to take you back.
To welcome you back with open arms.
To love you more than you can ever love yourself.
Foolish as it may seem, I still love you.
But, I just keep that to myself.
I keep a lot of things to myself.
Like how every time I get to the office, I check the lights of your office window and wonder if you’re there.
How I get this nagging urge to talk to you whenever I see that green dot light up beside your name in the chat box.
How I try to stop myself from searching you in Twitter to see what you’ve been up to lately.
How I wish I’d get a glimpse of you whenever I climb the stairs to the office. Hoping you’d exit through that door.
No, I hold all of these things in. I keep them to myself.
I don’t say it out loud anymore for fear that it might drive you away.
Because, really, I should consider myself already extremely lucky to be able to see you and speak with you again.
How could I possibly push the boundaries even further and ask for more when doing so would risk ruining what little connection I was able to salvage between us?
But, still, even so, I write them here.
I write them here in hopes that when you start looking for me, for my thoughts, for my heart, for my soul, you’d find it.
You’d find it here, loving you unconditionally from the shadows.
Waiting, patiently, for you.