This. This fucking article right here.
At the very mention of your name, my heart sinks and my chest caves in. My gut wrenches and I struggle to breathe. No matter how many days, weeks, months (maybe even years) would pass, the ghost of you still lingers inside of me. Haunting me. Gnawing at me from the inside.
I’m moving on, I swear I am. There are even weeks where I forgot you existed or you felt like a distant memory. I’m doing my best to do so. I’m trying to keep myself busy. I’m avoiding triggers as best as I could. But, damn it, no matter how hard I try, you always seem to find a way to get to me.
I know you’re not doing it intentionally, but fuck, why do you have to text me out of nowhere? Why do I have to see you when I park my car? Why do you have to look for me when you visit our office? I’m doing my best to avoid you on social media, but why can’t I escape you in the real world?
Maybe I just need more time.
In all honesty, I’m scared.
I’m scared that what if ten, twenty, years from now, I’d be happily married and then, out of nowhere you come waltzing back into my life. What would I do then? How would I respond?
I pride myself in being loyal and faithful, but having loved you so intimately and intensely, how could I be so sure that I’ll remain faithful and devoted to my wife? How could I be sure that these feelings won’t resurface and destroy the only thing I have left to offer?
Only time will tell.
Originally posted on Thought Catalog: